knitting therapy
2012
Oh! My! God! I had the most intensely frustrating class this morning. Mental health – final class for the semester. Group presentations on issues in mental health. (deep breath, lily, deep breath).
As is probably obvious to you, dear reader, I am between 15 and 20 years older than most of my classmates. Now, given I worked in a girls’ school for 20 years and have a teenage daughter of my own, I get along well with younger people. I’m actually considered pretty laid back and nice. And I’ve gotten along well with my young classmates … until today.
I won’t bore you with all the details – just some (okay, most) – I can’t help myself, there’s still a little bit of me that’s seething. Two of the topics presented were postnatal depression and anorexia nervosa. Did you know that postnatal depression was really unknown until women like Brooke and Gwyneth let us know what it was like? And as for anorexia – there was no interest or attention given to that until that French model died.
Really? Is that so? We didn’t know? We weren’t able to express compassion, show care or develop an understanding about a serious illness until a celebrity – a person who is famous and rich because they’re pretty and have been in a few films – validated it for us. Ah! Now that someone famous has had it, we can see it, talk about it, understand it. Oh puhleeze! That kind of focus on celebrity leaves me nauseas.
Now, I’m not denying that by talking about, celebrities can broaden awareness and that’s a good thing. But part of me doesn’t think this is good enough. So, when asked for audience comments, I queried whether we – as a society – really need to consider an illness’s “selling point” as dependent upon the amount of celebrity attention it receives.
Are we honestly not able to think for ourselves? Notice when our friends or family members are suffering – remembering that 1 in 4 people will experience mental ill health at some stage in their lives? Learn something that doesn’t come out of a celebrity magazine? Emphathise with someone we KNOW, rather than someone who lives in a Hollywood mansion. How would it make an ill person feel, being isolated and judged for years until the – “wow! Gwyneth’s got it, so now we can be nice to crazy Aunty Elizabeth whose struggle we’ve ignored for years” moment!
The lecturers liked my point and expanded upon it – there was the potential for an interesting discussion on society’s values. However, several members of the class rolled their eyes. How else were people supposed to learn about things if celebrities didn’t tell us? Serious, that’s what they said.
I suggested there were a lot of really good resources out there for the lay person (i.e. not health professional) – if you watch the national broadcaster (ABC) or SBS or listen to public radio or read the good newspapers, or (god forbid) look it up on the internet you can read about this stuff regularly. There’s some really informed, sensitive, thought provoking conversation about these topics regularly. Conversations you can learn from.
At this point I was hooted down. And that’s when they drew the age card. ”Who listens to public radio? (add in raucous laughing) No one watches the national broadcaster. Newspapers are dead. You don’t get it because you’re from the older generation – that’s not how we do things now days. We don’t care about those things now!” (Don’t you love the collective “we” that I didn’t realise I wasn’t part of?!)
“I beg your pardon! Are you suggesting that to be informed and interested is out of date?”
“Yes!” shrieked a girl, “We’re shallow! Get over it!”
Serious. That’s what she said.
“Well, don’t you think that’s unacceptable – for our society to be so shallow? Don’t you think we should work to change that? Don’t you think people should care, even if there’s not someone famous suffering? People should be informed about the things that affect their neighbours, not just the people who appear on their televisions!”
“Honestly! If you think you can change this, then you are going to be a cranky and disappointed old woman for the rest of your life.”
Yep. Serious. That’s what she said.
I didn’t even mention the fact that people had been suffering from, caring for, and talking about postnatal depression and anorexia nervosa long before Ms. Paltrow and that french model came along. I was prepared to overlook my classmates’ blatant disregard of what came before them.
Anyway, suffice to say, I almost spat my teeth across the room I was so incensed.
By 2.30 – three and a half hours of unproductive muttering and stomping later – it was clear I needed something to calm my mind. So I printed off a pattern (the Tardis Shawl from Ravelry for Abby’s birthday), headed off to the knitting shop with plenty of time before school pickup, bought the yarn and needles I needed and found me a good tree. Close enough to school to hear the bell. Close enough to the fountain to hear the water tinkling. Where the cool breeze dragged in by the promised afternoon change could waft across my arms and hair. Bring me back to the moment at hand. Like a soft massage.
And I knitted. Only a few short rows. But oh, it was so effective. As soon as I made that slip knot, with the hank draped around my knees, I felt the hot, flustered breath leave my body and mind. I made stitches, I wrapped wool around the prettily painted wooden needles. I counted knits and purls.
I heard Celeste Waters (the writer) this morning (on that public radio that no one else listens to) say that when she feels vulnerable she puts on the Brandenburg Concertos and they’re better than any pill she could possibly take. Or Beethoven. Or Dickens. Or the Wind in the Willows. She thinks more people should try it.
I’m with Celeste. And I’d add knitting to her list of gentle therapies.
Just don’t tell the classmates – they wouldn’t get it :-)
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Oh Lily what an awful class – but maybe now they’ll think about what you’ve said (with rolled eyes!) And the tardis shawl is gorgeous – I made it for my Molly’s birthday but in a scarf form so she could wear it with her uniform. Getting the right blue was the hardest – I ended up taking her up to Bendigo to choose it! You seem to have found the perfect blue much more easily x
Ooooh driving to Bendigo for wool has been on my to do list for the last 12 months but I’ve yet to talk any of my folk into it! I think it would be such a lovely day. Perhaps next time you go, you could drop me line and I could join you :-) I have to confess, I didn’t even search for the blue – I had seen this one at Wondoflex before, and it just seemed the loveliest choice! As for those classmates – maybe they will :-)
The gentle rhythmic art of knitting does indeed possess the power to ‘soothe a savage breast’……..although this quote is originally ‘music has charms to soothe a savage breast’, and is the first line spoken in the play ‘The Mourning Bride’, written by the English playwright William Congreve in 1697……..I think after the awful ordeal you suffered in class, he surely would not mind you borrowing it.
I’m glad to hear your knitting and moment of calm restored peace to your soul.
Ah, now I don’t know that play, so I’m going to look it up :-) And that is the perfect quotation – that was exactly how it felt!
What a sad comment on society! I do fear that the ‘young’ people of today have become insensitive and that they feel entitled. They are so ‘plugged’ in that they are are truly ‘unplugged’ into what goes on around them. I know that there are exceptions to the rule, but it makes me sad to see these attitudes. Our daughter, who is attending college, is often infuriated by her classmates and their lack of common sense. I am glad that you make time for a few stitches to relax and regroup and my hope is that you have planted a seed in at least one of your classmates.
You’re so right with your “unplugged” comment! And I agree – I don’t think they are all like it – I know some lovely and passionate young people – but there does seem to be a much greater willingness by many to accept that ignorance is cool! I cannot fathom that!
And those chicks will end up nurses? God help us all…..
I KNOW!!!!! I have offered to compile a wee photograph album for my family – it would be entitled “If this nurse leans over you – run!” There was another instance last year which left me frothing at the mouth! We were talking about what it feels like to be a patient in hospital. As an asthmatic, I have spent many weeks in hospital throughout my life, and the one visit that stands out above all others was when I was 20. A young male nurse was on night duty each night – he would come in to our ward (me and three elderly ladies) with a small tape recorder with “relaxation” music, put it on very softly, next to my head, then massage my feet. I looked forward to it all day. He did it for all of his patients who liked it. It was the only time of the day that felt lovely and peaceful. And he would always have a little chat first about how I was feeling. When I shared this in class, several of the young girls squealed in revulsion and shrieked – “Oh my god, he was a pedo!” I could have smacked them. Instead, I kept my calm and replied that for many people, especially elderly people who lived alone, it was probably the only time they were touched in a caring and gentle manner and that as nurses, we should see this opportunity as an incredible privilege. They weren’t swayed – commenting instead that touching an elderly person was “disgusting”. I should add that there were several other young students that simply sat there silent – hopefully, they were not in agreement with their peers but didn’t know what to say. I do wonder how some of them will cope with real patients!
Unreal. “We’re shallow, Get over it”???? Do they not know that the purpose of celebrity confessions is not to inform, but to increase fame? And it’s supposed to make celebrities more like us (human) and not the other way around? That’s just another reason why that generation is so selfish (all their toys are about “i” right?) There is hope, though. I can tell you that radio and newsgathering is alive and well in Canada, and there exists autodidacts like myself and my husband who really do give a f**k. It kinda makes you want to slap those kids’ parents, eh? How bad are the parents to raise selfish, self-centered people….and then send them out to work with the public! I shudder. On the other hand, I have recently discovered the joy of knitting therapy….what a great secret! For years, all I could knit were dishcloths. Lo and behold, I am buying needles from Goodwill and learning to knit mittens> Very empowering. PS Loved the rosy cardigan (inspired!) and I’m jealous of the magazine. I want to read it – you don’t want to swap for a Canadian magazine, so you?
Absolutely! I know older people have complained about younger people for centuries but I really do think that sometimes there is justification! When I think about the attitudes of some young people in the 1960s for instance – my grandad thought they were loutish and troublemaking – for me, looking back, I see a political movement that was driven by a passion for change – challenging the status quo etc. Even my time as a teenager in the 1980s – certainly not as provocative as the 1960s but there was still a desire to be heard – we wanted to take part in the feminist movement, the antinuclear movement, the growing environment movement. And we would NEVER have wanted to appear ignorant – as for admitting to following celebrities – you’ve got to be kidding – that’s what 12 year olds did! Whereas, in my classes, there seems to be few that think outside the box – we were discussing the notion of “patients” as “consumers” the other day – I loathe the word consumer – and my contribution was that when governments and health corporations describe their patients as “consumers” they turn themselves into salespeople and erode the provision of health care services – a human right – to an item that can be bought and sold, which in turn means that people with more money are able to buy more health care and those with less have to put up with less – in both quality and quantity. It stops being a relationship of care and service and becomes a crass commercial transaction. I think this is completely inequitable and simply represents a sneaky shift on the part of the health care providers – the top, bureaucratic, accounting end. One young man – with wild, long curly locks and paisley shirts! – agreed with me, the rest sat in silence, pencils in hand, waiting to move on to the next topic. Completely uninterested. I’m glad the rosy cardigan inspired :-) and I could very easily be persuaded to swap for a Canadian magazine! What have you got!
It’s hard to imagine anyone being proud of being ignorant. Sad.
Couldn’t agree more! To cheerfully promote yourself as ignorant and shallow is just baffling – where on earth did this come from!?! Mind you – I used to work with a woman in the 1990s who would walk around the office singing the jingle from a commerical television station – “I know all I need to know ’cause 9 told me so.” That just about epitomised her approach to and understanding of life. I never knew whether to laugh or cry!
Oh Lily, How I wish we could have had an hour or so to chat or (fume) about this together yesterday afternoon. I’m with you. I don’t want these young people to be shallow. I want them to be real. I want them to know what real is for their own sake. We live in a world where being shallow will not help them when times get tougher and tough they will get. There is soo much more I could say if I had the time but for now I commend you for your actions in speaking out. This is real life. I’d be interested to hear Abby’s reaction to this. I suspect with your influence over the years that she know what being real is.
Blessings Gail
Oh, Lily if this wasn’t so sorry a tale it would certainly be laughable! Can’t believe what came out of their mouths, and I chuckled when I read Nicole’s comment “and those chicks will end up nurses?” Let’s just hope a bit more maturity will soften their hard, self-centred souls. And when you’ve put together your photo album, distribute it won’t you?!!
I know!!!!!! If possible, today’s was even better! Each group in the class was given an “ethical” dilemma that we could encounter in the workplace and would likely solve as a team. The group next to us – with the same girl as yesterday – had “a nursing colleague has come to work intoxicated. Her speech and performance is visibly affected. What do you do?” The girl answered for her group – “Well, it’s really important not to be a dibber-dobber.” A dibber-dobber – perhaps she’s not yet realised she’s now in an adult learning environment. The teacher was taken aback and said “Um … um … well, um …” And I couldn’t stop myself .. and suggested that patient safety was actually the most important consideration and that this nurse was behaving unethically and unprofessionally and putting her patients at risk, therefore it was the team’s responsibility to report their concerns to the nurse unit manager straight away.” The girl visibly huffed, most offended! You’ll be relieved to know, class consensus was to BE a dibber-dobber. Perhaps I should put this girl’s photo on the front cover of the wee photo album :-)
I bet these people will have some difficult, joyful and transforming life experiences, and then cringe when they remember the opinions they held. I also wonder whether the need to shriek and hold everyone’s attention is actually symptomatic of a person who is unsure and trying to hide it. I daresay one of the reasons the young woman reacted so strongly to you is that you are a secure individual who is confident in your values and life direction, while she is not and feels the lack everytime you put forward a thoughtful view that draws her our of her comfort zone. Give them heaps and make them think some more!
Hi Lily,
I finished my RN training when I was 20 years old and worked solidly until I had my last child 5 1/2 years go. One of the reasons I am struggling to go back is that I feel so disheartened by some of the nurses coming out of Uni now. I don’t know if it is youth, it may well be, but it seems that so few people are willing to provide good nursing care. And I emphasize the word “care”. Where has empathy gone? Where has gentleness gone?
I think what some nursing students don’t realise is how much a nurse can influence a patient’s healing process and really their whole hospital experience. It only takes one uncaring nurse to have such a detrimental effect on someone’s health.
I am so pleased that you are doing Midwifery – you will be a huge asset to the profession. I only wish you were coming to work at my local hospital – then I might be persuaded to return to nursing myself.
Sorry for such a long comment. I do love reading your blog:)
It might help to know that the brain continues to develop throughout you twenties, and that the areas involved with empathy do not become fully developed until the mid twenties. So, for some, aspects of their learning related to empathy and compassion may feel theoretical at this stage of their lives. Exposure to the type of discussions you had today may be a necessary part of the learning journey. I do believe that one person’s actions can make a difference, so please keep talking!
Thank you for sharing that Kathy! I do feel that that is probably the case for some of them. Without wanting to sound like an old fogey, I think just living life and growing a family and weathering our way through trials and tribulations teaches us so much more about compassion and care than we can ever gain in a three year course straight out of high school. I know that so much of my understanding has its roots in experience and that experience came with time. But, as you suggest, I shall keep talking nevertheless :-)
I’ll say “oh Lily” too… I had my own moment this semester when a group of third year early childhood teachers talked throughout a beautiful and tragic film about young children and death (children talking about their responses to deaths, either of parents or siblings)… I was so angry… and then when I hear myself say “this generation” I worry that I’m getting old in that really awful, intolerant way of being old. I wonder sometimes if they are just so overloaded with… I won’t call it information, I’ll call it “media data” (it’s only information when it means something)… they have lost the will to (a) process it and (b) have compassion. I don’t know… I HEAR you! (And I listen to Radio National every day!)