plodding
2010
yup … that’s what I’m doing at the moment. Here’s a wee confession – this last couple of weeks has seen some serious homesickness for Brisbane and my family and friends, lots of motherly worrry, and floods of tears – thank god for cold water, a washcloth and a bit of pretty lippy.
My time at the bookstore is an utter pleasure. Walking through those doors three mornings a week fills me with a greatly needed sense of purpose and happiness. In the evenings and those “other” four days – well, there’s a lot of plodding. Being homesick, crying (when no one else is around), fretting and generally feeling sorry for oneself is really tiring. Who’d have thought. I do have moments when I smile and laugh, chatter with Abby and Julian, put my best foot forward, so to speak. But I’m having trouble focusing on those good bits.
As for stitching – blah. I have resurrected this small quilt from last year – I truly love it – the treacly yellows fill me with sweet warmth, and the crisp white yo-yos inspire me to dedicate myself to yo-yo making. After finally finishing the handquilting, I decided that simply anchoring each yo-yo with a couple of stitches in the middle was completely inadequate. Each yo-yo needs to be hand stitched around it’s perimeter (is that the right word – or should it be diameter?) Let me tell you dear reader how ploddy this is. Glory be – it takes stitchy plodding to new heights – or should that be depths. But I do like how they sit nice and firm and flat after their surgery – otherwise they were literally twisting about and losing their centre.
I’m a bit like a yo-yo with only a couple of stitches in the middle – how’s that for twee, homespun philosophising huh! Yup, I’m here – newly attached to Melbourne. I’m washing clothes, making beds, cooking dinners, shopping for food, cleaning bathrooms, vacuuming, hanging and folding washing, doing dishes, making lunches, ironing school uniforms, accepting invoices, serving customers, ordering books, alphabetising shelves (I seriously love this :-) putting away new stock, reading, dreaming, thinking … but I’m really a bit loose. A bit out of shape. Listen to this for alarming … on my days off, I’m too fretful and sad to put needle to fabric. I sit and watch Miss Marple and Inspector Poirot. And wait for Abby and Julian to come home.
There you go … just like so many other people, I like to make my wee corner of the bloggy neighbourhood a spirited place of energy, good humour and prettiness. I’m sorry it’s not today. That’s just not what I have at hand. Unlike the poor poor children I saw on television tonight in Haiti, I’m not missing a leg, I am surrounded by those I love, I have a home, food, clothing, employment and a future … nevertheless, in spite of my amazing privilege, security and good fortune, I’m really glum and lonesome at the moment.
So silly. I need to rediscover my joy at simply being here everyday, to find delight in what is in front of me, to give thanks for all that I have, to use all that lays about me. Hmmm …. I’m not sure how to go about doing this. Maybe it’s just one baby step at a time. Here’s hoping …
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Lots of *hugs*. Being homesick is the worst bit about moving. I think most of it comes from being lonely a lot and not having made new friends yet. It’s easier for kids because they are in school and automatically meet people they have things in common with, even if it’s just a passionate hate for maths ;-)
You said there’s a fabric shop near you, do they offer classes maybe? If they do, you could try and take a class, doesn’t matter what kind, you’ll meet like minded people there and who knows maybe there will be friendship waiting?
This made me sad for you but you point out what is good and you are right.
Keep smiling and don’t forget the pretty lippy :-)
How about watching Love Actually!
Oh, you and I are in the same place right now even though we’re thousands of miles apart. I think you and I need a mama’s retreat together. Or something! Sending hugs and a wee lit candle your way my dear.
Just keep taking those baby steps…you’ll get there. It’s tough when you’re (ahem) older. We always worry about how our children will take to a move or new life, but they have the novelty of being the new kid in school and everyone loves the new kid…when you’re a grown up it’s hard to fit in to a new life, meet new friends, and poke your toes n the water of the new surroundings. But only one thing has changed and that is geography – your friends are still there, but they’re further away. Pick up the phone, write a letter, plan some fun days out, and relish your time in the bookstore and soon you’ll be wondering what you were fussing about. I’m sure of it.
In the meantime, there is nothing wrong with having a few tears and feeling sick for what was home. My husband always tells me that all that matters is in these 4 walls (our house). Sometimes he’s quite wise. But don’t let on I said that ;)
I think as mothers, we sometimes forget that we have needs and “wants” and are vulnerable too. Years ago we made a move..over 2,000 plus miles. I worried so much about my two young sons and completely forgot, or never even thought, that I would have adjustments to make. My children did well, but I was astounded to find myself struggling! It all did work out…it just took some time. I realized finally that I needed to give myself a little “loving kindness” and acceptance for what I was going through.
I do need to say that being able to take a peek at all of the beauty you create is a real treat for me. Your creativity is astounding!
You will feel better soon. It’s a process. I am cheering for you.
I am also plodding this week, as I hand quilt a king size! Bleah. But I’ll like it when its done.
Love that first photo of the quilt with yo yos! It reminded me I need to make a pink and yellow quilt so I stashed it in my “inspiration” folder.
I wish I could bring myself right over for coffee and stitching. It would solve homesickness one bit but we would get into some fun/trouble. Here’s a hug for you. A little stitch each day if you can muster. You bring us such beauty and delight, I wish I could return the favor and banish the sadness. Thinking of yoU!
Hi Lily,
Please just be patient with yourself. You are in transition and so many things come with that but I know you’ll be ok.
I just love this quilt and all of it’s textures and colors. It’s so beautiful. May the beauty you create chase your sadness away.
Here’s a very big hug from the other side of the world.
Been there, done that, know exactly how you are feeling. There is nothing worse than not having a friend you can just ‘drop’ in on to share a coffee, a cry or a laugh. Hang in there and be kind to yourself. Sending you a big hug xx
I know exactly how you feel. It’s horrible. Baby steps are good though and trying to find something positive every day. Always happy to meet for a coffee x
HI LILY,
Sorry to hear you are feeling so blue.Being homesick is a hard thing to deal with.It’s ok to have our sad times and shed a few tear’s. Going for a walk’s helps me more than anything.
With all the joy and beauty you share with the world you can’t stay sad for long! So, Hang in there and be good to yourself. Annie
Ahhh, a kindred spirit. The baby steps are a good plan, but also I understand the rest of it. My sister and I were talking the other day about our future selves talking to ourselves of today. They would tell us “Wow, those were a tough couple of months, but look at where we are today!” Then they would tell us of the things that we have done and our strength because of the tough times that we are going through today. I was a bit skeptical at first, but then I thought of some hard times that I had already gone through and then telling that woman that I was, “that things were going to be doable and that we were going to get to do fun things again” It made me feel a bit better, it gave me a bit of perspective about the journey, rather than my sadness being an end place. I appreciate the sunshiny colors. :)
Hi Kylie
Chin up, I know it isn’t easy and not sure if it ever will get easier. I often feel alone in my adopted country and we have been here for 26 years.
I too have so much time and think I would love to stitch but can;t get my head around it. I try and be happy for the family, but often just sit and ponder.
Sending you a big quilting hug
Christine
Hi Lily, I am so sorry you are feeling glum because when I am feeling a little low or lonely your blog always makes me feel good. I do hope that Melbourne becomes more homey for you soon and i think you are doing a great job of settling in when you are obviously a person who finds change challenging. And hey, there is a lot to be said for the healing powers of Agatha Chreitie – don’t underestimate Miss Marple!
Keep writing your wonderful blog, megan
Oh dear, I hope some cheeriness finds its way into your days! That quilt could help… such yellow loveliness! I have blah days too, I guess we all do, share what you like here, no need to apologize. xo
Thank you for sharing this. The quilt is beautiful, very creative. It is so nice to see someone being authentic and sharing each aspect of life. Not just the bright moments but the darker ones too. Know that you are not alone and this too shall pass.
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I’m sorry to hear that you are feeling low. I bet you’ll feel a lot better when you are up to stitching on your days off, but if the inspiration isn’t there, what can you do? Walk outside? Go for a swim? Get some good hugs from loved ones? Maybe skype with friends and family in Brisbane. Thank you for sharing your honesty and sending a hug from the U.S.
Any chance of getting you to post images of the whole quilt? The close ups are lovely.