the needlepoint numpty
2008
It’s official – I am the needlepoint numpty. This state of numpti-ness is so exasperating I have compiled a set of simple guidelines so that you all may avoid having this hat plonked on your head and finding yourself standing in the corner for needlepoint numpties.
1. When you insist on changing the colour – let alone medium! – of every thread listed in a needlework pattern, write down the alternatives on the pattern sheet. The minute you choose the alternatives. Clearly.
2. When you buy the colour for the background – buy at least 10 skeins, not one. One will never be enough. Ever.
3. When you are trying to pick which colour it was that you began the background with, don’t do it in the dim shadows of the corner of the patchwork store – take it outside into the sunlight and think carefully about this.
4. When you begin stitching and it becomes pretty obvious that you have NOT chosen the right colour, STOP now! It will not become better as you go along, just worse, and there will just be more rows to unpick once you admit to yourself you have a problem.
Now these next few tips are the most important of all …
5. When, in the chaos of your stitching supplies, you find the right coloured skein of wool, tie a little note to it saying – THIS IS THE RIGHT COLOUR – and then write its number onto the pattern.
6. Then, when you head to the superstore with fluoro lights, put the RIGHT COLOUR in your bag, not the WRONG COLOUR – ’cause you know what happens next … uh-huh! You go to the store and buy 10 skeins of the wrong colour (because you’re now following guideline number 2), come home, rip out the old wrong stitching, and put in 10 new rows of wrong stitching. Yep, you completely failed to follow guideline number 4 because you knew you found the right colour and put it into your bag to buy lots of it.
BUT YOU DIDN”T! The right colour was still sitting meekly on your dressing table wondering when it would ever get its turn to shine for Christmas! AAARGH!!!!
Now I have ten skeins of the wrong colour and ten more rows to unpick. Julian and Abby are both rolling off the sofa with laughter.
Other numpty news – I don’t know why, but my portrait photos are coming out square and squashed – yuck. Actually, all the photos were like this for a while – I’m using a new version of iPhoto and they changed the exporty bit – will have to get Julian onto this.
[ see! wrong colour! wrong colour!]
And! After throwing my needlepoint onto the table in exasperation – but I didn’t cry, I was very grown-up – I went to have a look at my blogsite, noticed 12 spam comments and so, thinking I was on the waiting for approval comment page, clicked all and deleted them. I wasn’t. I was on the regular comment page and have now sent 25 lovely comments into oblivion. But I didn’t cry. I had a glass of wine instead.
Okay – we’re heading off to the beach again today, and on the way there or home, I’m going to bug the children and stop at the previously mentioned superstore and get the right wool. I need some thoughtless stitching to do at night. And I need to finish my cushion!
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I have been there done that with the colour matching farce. Maybe a nice day at the beach will leave you feeling like tackling the problem again!
I fully feel your pain, because I’ve done the exact same things you did (including having a glass of wine or maybe I had two.)
Hi Lily, I can tell you that yesterday morning, when I went to wash hands in bathroom after baking,I took toothpaste instead of soap! This happens, when you are tired. I was lucky not to wash my face with it! LOL! You are so right with all those instructions for needlepoint! I made a lot of them many years ago.
OH MY, Lily! I hope you won’t mind that I grinned right through your guidelines. It was an empathetic grin, trust me! Also, I might point out at the last of your post, you mentioned “mindless” stitching. I wouldn’t do that as it is clearly not. ;-)
Lily –
Been there, done that, more often than I would like to think.
But I hope it helps that even with the wrong choice of color, the cushion is charming.
I hope you get it done in time.
Keep Stitching,
Janet
I’ve got two words for you ~ “oh no,” “too bad,” “so sad?” Nope ~ DYE LOT. Even when you write the correct number down, if you try to buy the same color weeks or months later, there can still be a subtle variance in color due to a different dye lot. It’s a lesson hard learned. Nevertheless, your needlepoint cushion is charming. I love your style.
I’m so sorry about your needlepoint! How frustrating! You are being much more grown-up about the whole thing than I would have been. I’d cry and then banish it all to the dark recesses of the closet until next year.
Mm, I’m with Anita here. Your persistence is legendary! Well done that lady (you) – and it will look lovely, I’m sure.
As usual, I’m way behind in my blog reading. Yours is among the first few I read whenever I have the chance. You brighten my day in so very many ways!
Been there, done that! And that unpicking is so frustrating, isn’t it! It looks really nice though – I’m looking forward to seeing it finished. And knowing you that won’t take long… I’m going to settle down with my Christmas stocking too once I’ve finished the last minute projects!